Peaceful Discipline

Peace

To have a peaceful family, the family has to believe in peace. To communicate and reinforce the values that parents and adults in the home think are important, it is critical to have a peaceful family with relationships that are respected.

Values are not taught to children by talking about them. Rather, values are demonstrated, observed, and experienced. Children learn to be nice by having someone be nice to them. They learn to be peaceful and non-violent by having other people demonstrate what it is to be peaceful. The home is the most important place for a child. It is within the home that the most important values are taught.

Families can create a non-threatening home environment by:

• keeping communications open.
• letting each person state his or her opinions openly, and making sure that everyone listens more than passing judgment. Listening encourages talking, and talking lets everyone know what is important and valued.
• teaching kindness by being kind. Children need firm rule and guidance, stated clearly and with respect. It isn't necessary to yell the rules.
• respecting relationships. This means respecting children as people. Children learn respect by demonstrations and observations.
  
  

Discipline

The word "discipline" derives from the Latin "to learn". As such, discipline is a form of training that helps children to develop self-control. Discipline is not mean. It is not embarrassing. It does not destroy a child's sense of worth. Guiding young children's behavior is challenging work, but it is the most important job of the parent. Children need your help in learning how to behave. Eventually you want your child to develop the internal ability to guide his or her behavior and actions in proper ways in all situations, even when you are not there. This can be done if you do it a little bit all through childhood. All through the stages of development, children need to know in advance what is expected and which behaviors are unacceptable.

Clearly express to your child what is acceptable behavior in all sorts of daily situations. If you need to reprimand your child, no matter what age your child is, always do so privately. Respect the child's self-esteem, the child's sense of worth, by being firm, but kind. Maintain control of yourself and your emotions. Remember how important your child is to you. Combine your intuition and your intelligence to demonstrate, with love and affection, what you want him or her to do.

Children learn kindness and compassion through watching you and other adults behaving kindly and sympathetically to others. They learn to understand the feelings and needs of others over time, by watching, and learning to discover their own feelings.

Listen

Children are really aware about adult communication. From the time they are very young, they can tell when adults are preoccupied, distracted or not listening. Children, like adults, tune out when they don't like the tone, lecturing, or lack of listening in a conversation. If they think their part of the conversation is being ignored or rejected, they become angry or lose interest.

Take the time to build communication within your family. Think about the words you use and take the time to truly listen to what is being said.

Listening, really listening, can improve communication and build respect with others. Communication begins by listening and then indicating that you hear what the person is saying. This can be demonstrated by focus or eye contact, body language, and reflective listening.

• Focus (eye contact) - Focus means that you are looking directly at the person speaking and not looking off to one side or continuing to do something else. You are focused on what is being said; the speaker is the center of attention. Listening attentively is essential for positive communication.
• Listening without Interrupting - Does your body acknowledge that you are listening? Use smiles, nods, and expressions of understanding to communicate to the speaker that you are listening. It is not necessary that you agree or disagree at this time. It is more important for the person speaking to know that his or her words are respected. This strengthens communication.
• Reflective Listening - Reflective listening involves hearing the feelings and meanings of the speaker. It is a re-statement (in different words) of what the speaker said. You, in essence, mirror the words of the speaker and rephrase them back to the speaker, checking for accuracy of understanding. This process affirms the speaker, indicates a respect of the person, and shows that you understand the speaker's message. Through careful reflection of the speaker's words, you can clarify the message and build mutual understanding.

Through reflective listening and the careful exchange of words, we learn that other people have important feelings and opinions which we need to consider. Learning to understand the importance of the all ideas, not just our own, can lead to successful resolution of problems and mutual respect.

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